Our 4 oldest kiddos volunteered to answer some questions about growing up in a transracially adoptive, large(ish) family! I asked readers to submit their questions back in March, and several of you had some really thought-provoking questions!
I am grateful for the wisdom, love, and laughter shared! Our interview time was sweet - spent cozied up in the living room, after a long walk outside. We joked around, laughed, and had to talk out some hard topics - but it was good. And in the end, this open and intentional conversation brought us all closer!
For the sake of identifying who is giving what answer, you will see the following abbreviations:
BD1 - Biological Daughter #1 (our oldest)
BS1 - Biological Son #1
AS1 - Adopted Son #1
BD2 - Biological Daughter #2
Our two youngest did not participate in our little interview, but would be AS2 and BS2, respectively! I did not edit answers for political correctness, or prod answers. As you will see, one of our kiddos was in an especially silly mood, and his answers reflect that!
Do you worry about being treated differently than your siblings?
AS1: "At Church, we play red light - green light, and have fun with kids, and everyone is nice when we play that!"
BD1: "I think that we're a family and we love each other."
BS1: "Only if we make bad choices. Then we get in trouble, when the other kids aren't in trouble."
The general consensus is the only time treatment differentiates is if their behavior has warranted extra praise or correction!
Is there a difference between a biological brother and an adopted brother in how you feel towards them?
BD1: "I like them both! Even though they're not the same skin color, I still love them, because we are family! They're the best brothers in the universe, I say!"
BD2: "I like AS1 because he plays Weebles with me and I like BS1 because he plays with me with train tracks a lot of times. And what else about AS1 is, I like him playing baby with me, and BS1 plays baby with me. And I like AS1 playing Mommy and Daddy with me. They are my brothers!"
BS1: *Giggling* "Caleb's more cuter than James!" *lots of laugh all around!*
AS1: (still laughing): "But do you CARE about BS2 more than me?"
BS1: "I care about BOTH of you! ... *giggles* ... "Can I have a tissue?" *laughter all around*
Me: "How about you, AS1? How do you feel about your biological sister and BD2 - do you feel any differently about them?"
AS1: "That's a hard question. They're both my sisters. I love them both. I feel closer to BD2, but I miss [my biological sister] more. And I wouldn't want to hurt either of their feelings."
Do you feel frustrated when people make a big deal out of your unique family structure? If so, why is that?
BD1: "It makes me happy that they notice! It makes me think that it's a good idea to continue adopting children from other countries!"
BD2: "I like when people talk about our family!"
BS1: "It makes me feel GREAT!"
Was it easy becoming a family?
AS1: "It was hard for you guys, because you had to look for me and look for me. And then when you found me, you had to bring me HOME!"
BD2: "It was so easy!"
What's the best part of your family?
BS1: "We have eye balls!"
AS1: "That we live together! And because we play together!"
BD2: "We have six kids!"
BD1: "We can worship the Lord, for He is good!"
How many kids do you want in your family?
BD1: "I want 14 kids in our family. I want to adopt from Australia, Egypt, Chad - the country in Africa, China, Korea, Mexico, and India. I also have all their names picked out."
AS1: "I want Mom to have a baby in her tummy. I want one more baby. Oh, and I want it to be a boy!"
BD2: "I want to adopt again! Because Mommy might have a BOY again! And I want a GIRL! We have way more boys!"
BS1: "I want a THOUSAND babies! So many, that if they stood on each others shoulders, they would reach the SUN! That would take lots of babies! *laughing hysterically* That's so many babies it would break our house!"
What do you think about adoption?
BD2: "I want to get a girl!"
AS1: "I like it, because I'm adopted and because you adopted me! That's why I like it! I want to adopt more people in our family!"
BS1: "I think about babies who have a mommy and daddy who need another mommy and daddy that can take good care of them. Especially a mommy like YOU!"
BD1: "I think it could be nice to adopt someone from different countries, or from the same country that we're in! It's way much better than getting toys or anything. The last thing I want to say about it, is it would be very nice to adopt on Thanksgiving, so I can share the first Thanksgiving story with them!"
Final thoughts from Mom.
I specifically asked our children about sharing this interview. Privacy is incredibly important, and trust cannot be taken lightly! Because adoption is a very open, and on-going, conversation in our family, this was not strange for our kiddos.
That said, their answers are their answers - and no two children are exactly alike! We hope this sheds some light on things for you, but please always remember that if you want to know how someone feels about something, the best thing you can do is ask them!
In general, our children are still very young! While they recognize that adoption is not just rainbows and sunshine, their overall view of it is that it is GOOD and that the hard is worth it. They are all open to adopting again - and most of them would welcome a baby! (It would be unanimous if we could guarantee BD2 a sister!!)
We have been purposeful in sharing truth with them in age appropriate ways. They understand more about racism and growing up in hard places than most adults. But it hasn't hardened them - instead, it's birthed compassion in their hearts and resolve in their spirits.
Was there a question you had that wasn't answered? Was there anything above that surprised you? Have you wondered how adopting would effect your other children? Has this encouraged you?
Here you will find the musings of a homeschooling, work from home, adoptive Momma of 7! Adventures in faith, family, adoption, and training up a tribe to follow hard after Jesus are spilled into these posts --- most often written with a cup of coffee in hand. I hope you'll stick around a while and find something - more likely SOMEONE! - that brings you hope!
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